I thought things were going to be civil, but the Jekyll-Hyde continued. The main points of contention, the house, bills and blaming me for his mistreatment of his new lady.
The real estate agent and other house traffic were disruptive to the pets and to me. I had one pet sitter to quit because the dogs started attacking each other because of the stress. I had to drive back from Birmingham, Alabama (working on a project) in the middle of the night to take care of the dogs. I had to do that for a few days. 2 ½ hours both ways. I also had trouble with his friend of a friend real estate agent (flying monkey). She decided to go through my personal things (without my permission) while I was out of town to find things to decorate the house. After some of my important papers disappeared, I called my ex who was now living in FL to talk about the issues. He told me to get out of his house and I did. I closed on my condo within 30 days. He then accused me of not caring about the house and told me I was trying to send it in foreclosure.
I tried to have somewhat of a normal life after my divorce, but it was not possible. My post-divorce years were marred with financial despair with little time for anything else. This lasted for several years. I found out my ex was piggybacking off of my phone and internet service using my account and cheated on the taxes. I also had a hard time getting him to help pay off the debt consolidation loan taken out prior to us getting married. My phone was also ringing off of the hook with creditors looking for him. I eventually changed my number and spoke to an attorney.
I was notified about unpaid taxes after my income tax returns for 3 years were taken. Incidentally, the $6000 plus in unpaid taxes were part of the divorce settlement. He agreed to pay but skipped town and filed bankruptcy. He denied owing them when I confronted him. He coined it as a personal attack.
He then blamed the state of Georgia for taking so long to realize the taxes were still unpaid. I eventually called his house because he kept avoiding me. Little did I know, he had a new wife…so sorry ma’am. I guess she contacted him right away after hearing my message. I soon received a call from my angry ex. He told me not to call his house again, but he did repay the money quickly after that.
The financial apocalypse continued. I received a call from collections about an unpaid internet and phone bill. I was surprised since I switched service providers years prior after I found out that my ex was piggybacking off of my service. I paid up when I canceled the service. Apparently, he kept using the service even after I canceled. I eventually settled the debt with collections to make it all go away.
There is no doubt that I paid more than my share of the marital debt. I eventually had to sell off all the furniture and pawn the wedding rings to help pay off some of the debt I inherited. The kicker is….my ex constantly griped about me receiving proceeds from the sale of our home and the furniture my parents bought. He kept saying I made off like a bandit. If that was the case, I would have been debt free.
The Blame Game
I would receive phone calls periodically from my ex after he left. Some calls were civil, others not so much. My ex called me one day and told me that he was a good man, and I never appreciated him. He also said he was nice before he met me.
I reminded him of how he treated me while we were married. He backed off and labeled my response as a personal attack. Personal accountability was not his strong suit. Other things he said to me included, “You no longer have a hold on me!” and “I am no longer your emotional hostage!” I seriously did not know how to respond to those. They were out of nowhere like his phone call to make these accusations.
The Narcissist Saga Continues
There was another phone call where he admitted to throwing a bottled water while arguing with his current wife (intimidation). He claimed he didn’t throw it at her (oh ok…sounds suspect). He also told me she said she was afraid of him when he was like that (sounds like a habit). He then told me that she thought he was cheating on her (triangulation) and asked me if I ever felt that way. My response, “Nope.” He then told me he thought I had cheated on him while we were married. Is this guy really trying to hoover me? I didn’t comment. The phone was quiet. I was not going to entertain that garbage. I felt like I had been swirling around in a toilet and needed a shower after talking to him.
Anyhow, I am still unclear as to why he called me with that mess. I can only guess he called me because he didn’t want his friends or parents to know. He didn’t want to be exposed. I know you are asking by now, “Why were you still talking to him?” I will explain in a future blog post.