If you’ve ever been in a relationship where your partner seems to be constantly sucking the life out of you, you may have been a victim of Hoovering. Hoovering is a manipulative technique used by narcissists and sociopaths to control their victims. Here’s how to spot Hoovering and how to stop it from happening to you.
No one really knows for sure where the term “hoovering” came from when it comes to describing narcissistic behavior, but it is thought to be in reference to the Hoover vacuum cleaner company. The term is used to describe the way that a narcissist will suck up all of the good energy and emotions from a person in order to make themselves feel better. They will often do this in a manipulative way, making the person feel like they are the one who is wrong for pulling away. Narcissists will often hoover as a way to keep someone in their lives, even if they are not good for them.
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How does Hoovering work?
Many people are curious about the Hoovering technique and how it works. Hoovering is a technique that is used to get someone to react in a certain way. It is a way to get someone to think about you and want to contact you. Hoovering is named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because it sucks up all of the dust and dirt. It is a way to get someone to react in a certain way.
Types of Hoovering
- Threatening suicide if you don’t do what they want
- Stating they will come to your house if you don’t respond to their texts right away
- Lavishing you with gifts
- Lying about your behavior to get your attention
- Becoming overly apologetic and trying to promise changed behavior
- Alternating between ghosting and constant contact
- Making intense proclamations of love and closeness
How can you protect yourself from Hoovering?
There are a few things that you can do to protect yourself from being Hoovered. First, be aware of the signs of Hoovering and make sure that you are not being manipulated. Second, set boundaries and stick to them. If the person is trying to manipulate you, be firm and stand your ground. Finally, talk to someone you trust about what is going on. They may be able to help you see the situation more clearly and give you some advice.
How can you break the Hoovering pattern?
Narcissists are often in relationships for the wrong reasons. They’re usually not interested in their partner as a person, but more as a means to an end. This can make ending a relationship with a narcissist very difficult.
Narcissists tend to be very manipulative and can be very convincing when they want to be. They may try to convince their partner that they’re the only one who understands them or that they can’t live without them. This can make it hard for the partner to leave, even if they know it’s the right thing to do.
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of Hoovering, there are a few things you can do to break the pattern. First, identify what triggers your Hoovering. Are you feeling lonely, bored, or anxious? Once you know what triggers your Hoovering, you can work on addressing those feelings in other ways.
You can also try to replace your Hoovering behavior with a more healthy alternative. For example, if you usually compulsively clean when you’re feeling anxious, try taking a walk or doing some yoga instead. Breaking the Hoovering pattern can be tough, but it’s worth it in the long run.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath, be aware of the dangers of Hoovering. Learning to spot Hoovering and to protect yourself from it is an important step in taking back control of your life.
10 Hoovering Warning Signs
It’s critical to recognize the warning signs if you believe you are being hoovered. Hoovering can be sneaky at times. It’s possible that you won’t notice anything is wrong until it gets increasingly worse. Additionally, hoovering and gaslighting frequently coexist. For instance, the other person can try to persuade you that you’re overreacting even if you have a suspicion that anything is amiss.
Ten warning signals that someone is hoovering you:
1. They Communicate with You Through Other People
Some individuals hoover indirectly. For instance, they might constantly talk about how much they miss you to a buddy they share in the hopes that this person would let you know. Or, they may post on social media about how much they screwed up or how they lost their “true love,” hoping you’ll see it and figure out it’s about you.
2. They Send Gifts to You
Hoovering can also take the form of giving presents. It might serve as a means for people to reintroduce loved ones into their lives. These gifts could be an attempt to make up for unruly behavior, but once someone receives what they want, the kind deeds frequently end.
3. They Scandalize Your Name
Spreading lies or making erroneous claims about someone’s character are examples of smearing. Hoovering individuals do this in an effort to attract attention and get sympathy from others. Unfortunately, it can sometimes seem hopeless. They can worsen if you ignore their efforts. Similar to when you engage, the other person will frequently intensify their efforts.
4. They Approach You at Random
People who hoover could come and go from your life frequently. They can appear to realize the relationship is finished for a split second. However, just when you think everything is getting better, they reenter your life. They could utilize phrases like, “I was driving and heard this song on the radio” as a tool to appeal to nostalgia. I was reminded of you by that. I hope all is fine with you!
5 They Express Their Love for You
Hoovering frequently contains fervent declarations of love. You’re their perfect match! The only one who actually comprehends them is you! They have no desire to be with anyone else! Of course, these “love bombing” remarks may make you feel good, but they also have a strong manipulative element. They can easily entice you back in if you haven’t yet moved on from the other individual.
6. They Appear Apologetic
Hoovering may seem as excessive or blatant excuses. A few words are usually enough to tell an insincere apology from a sincere one. An insincere apology can sound something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “I’m sorry, but,” or “I’m sorry if.” The grandiose and crowded nature of insincere apologies can also be shown
7. They Create an Emergency
One of the trickiest hoovering techniques is to pretend there is a problem. To garner attention, some people would exaggerate or entirely fabricate emergencies. These crises might range from medical issues to family deaths to burdens related to one’s mental health. They are hoping your emotions will be stirred by their stories and draw you back.
8. They get in touch with you when it becomes crucial
Hoovering can be undetectable. On special occasions, such as your birthday or anniversary, the person might get in touch with you. They may also be keeping tabs on you, which enables them to get in touch with you if you change jobs or move. You can be fooled into believing they still genuinely care about you and your well-being if you receive this kind of correspondence.
9. They Act As If Everything Is Okay
Another frequent hoovering practice is to act as though nothing has changed. The individual will behave normally as if nothing transpired between you. They may simply appear at your home or place of employment and act as though you two are still close. Even after they split up, they might still refer to you as their partner. You are compelled by their actions to confront them and start the subsequent conversation.
10. They Gaslight You
One method of hoovering is gaslighting. I just wanted to check in on you because I know you’re struggling (even if you’re not), or I know things got out of hand for both of us (even though they didn’t), these are examples of gaslighting. Gaslighting can cause you to begin to doubt reality over time, further straining your relationship. Unfortunately, you could be even more vulnerable to emotional abuse if your feelings appear unimportant.
Conclusion: Taking Back Control in the Face of Hoovering
The insidious act of Hoovering, a tactic often employed by narcissists, can leave anyone feeling emotionally drained and manipulated. As outlined, this technique bears its name from the infamous vacuum, reflecting the way perpetrators attempt to suck their victims back into a toxic cycle, feeding off their emotional energy. By recognizing the hallmark signs, ranging from random approaches filled with faux concern to the sinister gaslighting, individuals can take steps to safeguard their emotional and mental well-being.
However, realizing you are being hoovered is merely the first step. Breaking free requires a robust support system. Engaging in therapy or seeking advice from counselors can be invaluable during such times. Professionals in these fields offer an external perspective, equipped with tools and strategies to help individuals establish firm boundaries and rebuild their self-worth. For anyone ensnared in the Hoovering web, always remember that seeking external help, like therapy, isn’t a sign of weakness but an act of strength. You deserve a life free from manipulation, and with the right guidance, you can achieve just that.
