Have you ever seen those old-school gas lamps? They cast this gentle, flickering light and it might seem charming, but it can also make the world around you seem a bit distorted. This is where the term “gaslighting” originates from, a classic 1944 film called “Gaslight” where a husband manipulates the gas lamps in their home to convince his wife she’s losing her mind.
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what is gaslighting
In today’s context? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you question your own reality, your memories, or your perceptions. Kind of like how the light from the gas lamps can distort your surroundings, gaslighting distorts your understanding of what’s real.
An example might help clarify this. Let’s say you remember a conversation where your friend promised to pick you up for a concert. But then, they don’t show up. When you confront them, instead of apologizing, they insist that you’re mistaken, the conversation never happened. They might say something like, “You must be imagining things. I never promised that.” If this kind of thing happens often enough, you might start questioning your memory.
That’s gaslighting. It’s subtle, it’s sneaky, and it can be really damaging because it chips away at your trust in yourself and your sense of reality. It’s essential to recognize gaslighting when it happens, not just to protect yourself, but to ensure your relationships are healthy and respectful.
Keep in mind, everyone can misremember things from time to time, but gaslighting is a persistent, consistent pattern designed to make you doubt yourself. It’s not about occasional forgetfulness, it’s about power and control. So, if you ever feel like the flickering light of a gas lamp is casting shadows on your reality, take a step back. You’re not crazy. You might just be getting gaslighted.
How to Respond and Survive to Gaslighting
First off, I want to assure you that it’s entirely possible to recover from gaslighting, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way. Here’s a friendly guide on how to handle gaslighting, kind of like your survival manual:
1. Trust Your Perceptions:
Start by validating your own feelings and experiences. If you’re feeling uncertain or like something’s just ‘off,’ don’t brush it off. Your feelings are important and they matter. Trust your instincts!
2. Document Everything:
Sometimes, having concrete evidence can help reassure you that you’re not losing it. If the gaslighting is happening in conversations or texts, keep a record. It can help you to spot patterns and it can be useful if you need to provide evidence to others.
3. Seek Support from Trusted People:
Sharing your experiences with people you trust can be very validating. They can provide an outside perspective, confirm that you’re not imagining things, and offer emotional support. If you try to reach out to someone and they don’t believe you, here is news for you, they are not on your side. As hard as it is sometimes we have to cough off toxic family members and friends and put ourselves first.
4. Set Boundaries:
It’s okay to limit contact or distance yourself from someone who’s gaslighting you. You have the right to protect your mental and emotional health.
5. Practice Self-Care:
Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, good sleep, and activities you enjoy can help you stay grounded and healthy.
6. Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, the impact of gaslighting can be quite deep, and it’s absolutely okay to seek professional help. Therapists or counselors can provide valuable tools and strategies for healing. They can help you regain confidence and trust in yourself.
7. Relearn Trust:
It can be hard to trust yourself or others after experiencing gaslighting. Take your time and allow yourself to heal. It’s okay to go slow in new relationships, to ask questions, and to take time building trust.
Surviving gaslighting can feel like a journey, but remember, you’re not alone. There are resources and support systems out there for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out, and remember, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Trust in that relationship, nourish it, and remember it’s okay to put your well-being first.
Story:
My ex hated being confronted. He avoided being held accountable for his mistakes.
He would not allow me to have friends but to work 3 jobs to pay the bills. Ignored me on purpose and out of the blue sexually assaulted me. Used his heavy body to pin me against the bed and do things to me I didn’t want him to. But he would be so nice to my family, he would talk bad behind my back and say I was crazy, he says I was bipolar. Force me to go to the doctor to take antidepressants, the ones that leave you numb and compliant. He would turn off all the lights in my apartment to make me cry and be afraid.
The sad part is my family took his side, and after I arrived in the USA I became homesick. I missed my country and everything I grew up with. He used my pain to create a false narrative and a fake diagnosis to force me to take pills I didn’t need to get away with the abuse. I thought I was going crazy.
Every time I wanted to talk or get out, have friends, and travel he would tell me I was crazy and it was because I didn’t take my pills. Pills that would leave me like a vegetable, I would do everything he told me to do. These pills will leave me without a thought. In reason years I learned about gaslight and what it does to the person.
I hated him for doing that to me and I hated my family for not believing me. the longer we wait for it gets worse. The interesting part is once you get away from all the toxic people in your life, the healing can truly be amazing. We can learn to leave and thrive in life.
Conclusion: Navigating the Shadows – Triumph Over Gaslighting
Reading through the information above, it’s clear to see that gaslighting can be a maze of manipulation, casting long, distorted shadows on your reality. But remember, just like the gas lamps from old times, it’s a distortion, not a real reflection of who you are or the validity of your experiences.
You’ve learned about gaslighting, how it operates, how it can impact your life, and most importantly, how you can recognize and survive it. It’s a tough journey, but it’s important to realize that you’re not alone. Just like our friend’s story above, there are many others who have walked through the labyrinth of gaslighting and emerged stronger on the other side.
No doubt, it’s heartbreaking to experience such manipulation, especially from those we trust or love. It’s even harder when those around you, like family, fail to understand your struggle. However, remember, their lack of understanding doesn’t invalidate your experiences. Your feelings and experiences are yours and they’re important. Stand firm in your truth.
While it’s unfortunate that gaslighting exists, it’s empowering to realize that we can equip ourselves with knowledge and tools to combat it. Trusting your perceptions, documenting evidence, seeking support, setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and reaching out to professionals, are your shields and weapons in this battle.
And let’s not forget about healing and rebuilding trust. It might be a slow and steady process, but it’s entirely possible and incredibly rewarding. You’ll find that with each step you take on this healing journey, you’re not just recovering, you’re rediscovering your strength, reclaiming your confidence, and reaffirming your self-worth.
Gaslighting can make you feel lost in a world of flickering shadows, but remember, the light switch is in your hands. You have the power to turn on the lights, dispel the shadows, and reveal the beautiful truth – You’re not crazy. You’re courageous.
As we conclude this journey, remember this, if you ever find yourself questioning your sanity in the face of gaslighting, take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: “I trust in my reality. I stand in my truth. I am strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming this.” You’re not walking through this maze alone, and with each step forward, you’re moving closer to a brighter, healthier reality. You’ve got this!
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