Managing Myself – Cleaning Up the Mess

I was a damaged person after the divorce.  My mind was like scrambled eggs, and my emotions were all over the place. I had trust, emotional and financial issues.  I decided to go to counseling.

Counseling was a great idea for me since no one in life understood what I was going through.  “Friends,” told me to get over it and changed the topic of discussion or quickly got off of the phone (no longer friends). My mother and my aunt wanted me to reunite with my now ex….no thanks! I was traveling the road of recovery alone without support before going to counseling.

I was in counseling for 3 months. We talked about everything, including my childhood. Counseling is where I learned I was abused by my ex-husband.  It’s interesting because I never thought of it as abuse.  I just thought he was an asshole. I also learned why I chose him as a spouse….very interesting.  I was finally able to refocus my efforts on me, and I even picked up a new hobby. I decided to be an athlete and get my personal training certification. I accomplished both goals.

I started training 6 days a week to prepare for a strong woman competition, FemSport in Vancouver, Canada.  Canada, you say? Yep, Canada. I chose to compete in Canada because I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone. Plus, I always wanted to travel out of the country. Unfortunately, I had a car accident and completely dislocated my elbow while in training. My arm was in a cast for 2 weeks. I was in physical therapy for 4 weeks, but I didn’t give up.  I trained really hard after being released from physical therapy and the made competition.  I didn’t win the competition, but I did achieve my goal of competing.

I had the bug and now wanted to try my hand at physique competitions. I trained for about 9 months.  I finished 2nd in my height class my first competition.  I was so excited and continued competing for the next 3 to 4 years and then decided to take a break.

While I was having all of this fun, I was getting my finances in order. I was living in a new place after losing my condo….too much marital debt and frozen funds. My new place was cheaper and allowed me to pay off things quicker.  Before I knew it, it was 10 years later. I also signed up for credit monitoring service.  I chose to do that because my ex is highly untrustworthy.  He used to brag about knowing my social security number. By the way, my social security card disappeared when he left or least that’s when I noticed.




4 thoughts on “Managing Myself – Cleaning Up the Mess

  1. Glad you got the help and insight you needed. My narc marriage was in the mid 1980’s when NPD was not taken seriously by the MH professions. I went to counseling briefly but the counselor wanted to focus only and exclusively on ME, so it was not helpful and in fact harmful. The counselor seemed to think I was misinterpreting my ex and situations…like any of us need to continue being accused of being THE PROBLEM. Finally lots of reading – lately – helped the most.


  2. Pingback: My Conscience is Clear by Angie Beavers, CSMC | UNMASKING THE NARCISSIST

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